WARNING: The following review includes few spoilers for the end of this book and beginning of the second one, plus great amounts of cursing and rants. You have been warned.
Since 2010, more or less, I’ve read all kinds of books and fan fiction, which some of us know that a lot of them hold smut scenes. Yet in the last five years I hadn’t read a book as traumatizing as this one, sexually and grammatically speaking.
Grammatically, this book was a total nightmare. I don’t know which person should hold the blame: the author, the editor, the beta readers, the publisher, ANYONE? NO ONE? EVERY BODY? I don’t know. I mean, I try to be emphatic in some way and think that shit happens and it’s okay. Even I make mistakes. Maybe you’ll find a few in this review. But please… someone enlighten me and tell me… how can you use a word in the place of another with a whole different meaning? The accused word here is confounded. Not to be confused with the word confused. There were a few others but I was so bored of them that I just decided to ignore them altogether. The other thing were the over-searched words which I bet were fished out of a thesaurus. Both Ana and Christian loved sounding very posh and confounding with their old-fashioned English words, which some of those are not used nowadays.
But hey, this is just me being a complete bitch about something that shouldn’t be completely relevant to the plot. However, these things combined with the slow, droning pace in which Anastasia thinks and all… is horrible. My main and only motivation by 15% of the book was that if I finished it, I’d be able to argue against it in the future because knowledge is power.
Now onto the trauma-inducing parts. The sex. The sex was repulsing and not at all romantic like everyone likes to say. It’s full on animalistic fuck. I don’t recommend anyone younger than 18 years old to read this book at all costs unless you want to have your brain washed with bleach afterwards. I felt that, other than these scenes being disgusting, they were the only thing that could hook the reader into the story. The story would start getting boring and BAM Mr. Grey was all “sexy and hot and dominating” going about to fuck hard Miss Steele. Lots of sex scenes were thrown about just to hook you in a bit more to finish reading it. Or at least I felt like it was like that.
And Christian… his character was extremely manipulating on the reader. He is an abuser, a stupid control freak billionaire bastard that, even with his weird stalker traits and over all NO flashing signs, you liked him. Which was a turmoil I had within me. He was sexy, yes, but I do not support his ways and actions. The thing is, in this book, he often says that Anastasia had the power between them even if she was a submissive because she could say no and he would stop. They were going to have a fucking contract (hahaha pun) and then they would get on with the kinky stuff. They don’t sign anything. They do it. Ana doesn’t want to but is defenseless against the charms of Grey. *gags*. Yeah Christian, complete control my ass. You are a sick, twisted individual. He’s a stalker, he has control issues, he’s menacing, violent, abusive, jealous, but HEY IT’S ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD because he’s super hot and rich and he’s respected. Yeah. Sure. Whatever. It’s not like he could be a serial killer or something. (In the TV series The Fall with Jamie Dornan you have a GREAT example of how people can be deceiving…)
Now it’s my turn with Anastasia Steele. She’s so stupid she makes Shakespeare’s Juliet look like a Physics Scientist. She’s the epitome of naivety, of stupidity, of ignorance with zero percent of malice to know that something is definitely wrong with this dude. Okay, I understand the beginning how she’s interested in him and he in her, but Ana ignored all the bells ringing inside her head telling her that he was bad news. And the only thing that she did good in the whole book was leave him, and that was at the end, just to have her back with Christian fucking Grey in five days. After she screamed that he was a monster and ran off on him. Pfft. Talk about this being a bunch of baloney fiction.
Me as a woman would not allow a man as Christian to make a step towards me, no matter how hot he is or rich or philanthropic or smart. If he’s going to stalk me, buy the place where I work, dictate what I eat and how much of it, if I should exercise and with whom I might relate, control every second of my day, he’s out. The only people who can tell me what to do are my parents and that’s because I am under their roof until I graduate college and move on with my life. And God because He’s God. And as such woman, I find the thought of Christian so ugh… I’d be the one spanking him if I were into that stuff, but no.
In general, if you take all the sex and other irrelevant stuff, and the stupid inner goddess that I want to strangle, the book was okay. Not the best thing I’ve read, but (so far) not the worst. I could say it’s mostly a matter of preferences, and this is not in my avenue of books I like. At all. Like a person I have in Instagram wrote in a comment, Fifty Shades of Grey is crappy writing but the plot is interesting, and I agree completely. It has a certain appeal, even more in the second book that even had me giggling at some parts (further thoughts on Fifty Shades Darker for its future review). One good thing I’ve found of this series of books is that my few friends who have read it are now more interested in reading other types of books and any book that opens your hunger for words is good to me in that sense. So read at your own caution, and I hope you can enjoy it more than I did.
Rating: 1.5 stars
PS. I apologize to anyone who read this who loves the books that feels offended. I don’t judge you or your tastes. I love weird stuff too, like Twilight, so it’s okay. I respect that and cheer you on to keep filling your head with books you love no matter what others think 🙂